Blank.

I wish I could say I'm ready for this, but I'm not. I'm tired of the back and forth, but honestly, I'm not really ready to let you go. How did we even end up here in the first place? Where did it go wrong? I don't even think it was when we started dating. I think, somewhere along the way, you started to doubt. You didn't believe that we could make it, and you doubted that I loved you for you. You doubted that you were pretty enough, and smart enough for me. You even began to doubt I love you...

You don't think I had those same fears?! I wasn't sure it was going to work either, I asked myself if I loved you...and I dove in. I went into this so deeply, and with as much as I could give, that I began to doubt whether "me" even still exists. I love you SO much, your hair, even after the cut. Your smile, your intelligence. But your own self-doubts and self-esteem issues I do NOT love. Why can't you just let someone love you? Is that so hard? Do you have to mess it up? Do you still not think you deserve anything good? Does that feeling, that sentiment reside in the back of your mind. Tell me! Let it be known so that I may have peace and closure! You KNOW I love you, there is no doubting that. But until you see that, and are willing to put forth the same amount of effort, I have to push away. I can't do it to myself, it has to stop. I think I'm dying few years sooner. I guess every girl that has screwed me is just karma for the ones I've messed up.

Wait, where are they? That's right, there's only ONE that I know of. And we've made peace with that. Maybe this is what you get if you mess with a woman of God? A lifetime of suffering. How lovely. I honestly can't apologize for that one enough...but the show must go on.

So now, I'm trying to wipe the slate clean with us. Let's just pretend this never happened. We never dated, and we never broke up, for whatever reason you choose to give me this time. I'm giving it up to God, and going about my business.

Tabula rasa.